


And I Will Be Loathing For Forever; Loathing, Truly, Deeply; Loathing You My Whole Life Long

by revenblue



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Dave and Karkat are still together obvs, Hatemarriage, M/M, Marriage, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, but Karkat at least wants to pay lip service to quadrants, written for 413 yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: "If I hate myself so much, then why don't I hatemarry myself?"So you did.





	And I Will Be Loathing For Forever; Loathing, Truly, Deeply; Loathing You My Whole Life Long

**Author's Note:**

> Ten years holy shit. (I was only here for like half that but still!) Happy 413!

Today's the day you finally marry your one true hate.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous. It's not every day you participate in a ceremony of eternal commitment. Actually eternal, now. You may not have reached God Tier but you have friends in high places who'll make sure you never have to die, or worry about dying, again.

Which is why you're standing in front of this religion platform, holding hands with he one you'd always known was your destined kismesis, while a crowd of all your friends sits with bated breath.

A hush falls over the assembled crowd, a silence that remains unfilled because neither you nor your matesprit (husband, he always reminds you, because you're still not that good at letting go of tradition) are filling the air with your inane waffling.

You can admit it. Your name is Karkat Vantas and your rants, while impressive in scope, usually lose the plot around three words in. At least Dave doesn't seem to mind.

The asshole in front of you, on the other frond, does.

"Earth C to Karkat," he hisses in the whisper you're glad you finally mastered, digging his claws into your palms. "I can't believe I was such an idiot a day ago."

Your one true hate is, of course, yourself. It's taken a lot of soul-searching (you glance at Dave with a smile) and auspistism (Jade sobs in the front row) to get here, comfortable enough with your nontraditional quadrants to celebrate them in front of the awaiting crowd.

That's the other reason you're here today, with yourself as your kismesis. Dave's everything you need, without regard for quadrant boundaries, but you'd feel like a poor excuse for a troll without at least lip service to the traditions you'd devoted so much time and thinkpan space towards for so many sweeps, and at least this way you're not committing human infidelity.

This way, the only one you're hurting is yourself. Not Dave.

He'd listened as you'd explained your reasons, baring your soul the way you bare your throat to him, and then he'd, as he so eloquently puts it, "made it hapen".

"We're gathered here today," your husband begins, because of course he's officiating, determined to inflict his rambling on the assembled crowd, "ladies and gentlemen and... trolls... and fuckin... carapaces... to witness the bond between Karkat and himself, may they live forever in hatred and never ever part."

How he doesn't smile at his own joke is beyond you. Probably that stoic mask as represented by those fucking _sunglasses_ he puts on for everyone but you.

The corner of his mouth twitches, just slight enough that you're the only one close enough to see it. You and the other you, this fucknugget of a reflection holding your fronds far too tight for comfort.

Not that a kismesissitude was ever the place for _comfort_. A little bit of pain is par for the course, doubly so when you have yourself to blame it on, so that's not a problem.

There's a smile on _his_ face too, this other Karkat, because a day's difference may be enough for him to look down on your antics even though _he_ was there doing them not even one full day ago, but it's a drop in the water for how much you adore your human matesprit husband.

Composing himself, Dave continues. "I'll spare you all the sick fires-"

"Now _there's_ a surprise," the other Karkat says, loud enough for the entire crowd to hear, with a toothy half-smile just for you. "I was _sure_ you were going to subject us all to that unholy grammatical trainwreck you call _music_."

You cough, louder. "I thought _I_ was your kismesis," you say pointedly. "Not the douchebag wearing shades inside. Who does that?"

"Me, obviously." Dave's mouth twitches again in a subtle smile. "I know you can't get enough of me, but _damn_." Dropping his voice, he continues in a clear stage whisper. "And at your own wedding, too."

Oh. Right. You're getting hatemarried to _someone else_... Namely, yourself. Jade was right all along.

The other you rolls his eyes. "Let's just get this over with."

"You don't have to sound so enthusiastic," you say, digging your own claws in until he hisses through his teeth. "What did I expect with someone so aggravatingly-"

"Do _you_ ," Dave interrupts, "Karkat Vantas, take this troll before you as your lawfully wedded kismesis, to have and to chokehold, for as long as you both shall fail to murderise each other?"

"Bring it," you say, as the other Karkat grunts out a "If I have to".

Hiding another smile, he glances between the two of you. "As a symbol of your deep and passionate loathing, I present to you this... bucket... oh my gog do trolls really do this? That's like giving someone a condom as a wedding present or, fucking, viagra or some shit. What the fuck."

"Dave," you chide him, and he backs down.

"Seriously, we don't complain about your gross human customs," Terezi chimes in from the assembled crowd, back from her search for _her_... matesprit? moirail? partner in crime, for such a momentous occasion. "Have some cultural sensitivity, coolkid!"

_Coolkid_. The nickname still carries the weight of their shared history with it, a history you'll always be shut out of.

He tilts his head at you, a subtle question, and you exhale softly. Their history doesn't erase yours. Can't take away the fact you're here with him, he's here with you, that you both stuck around for each other when she'd moved on. That he's shown you his bare face.

"Strider," the other you says, clearly recognising how fine you are - and why wouldn't he? he's _just_ been through it himself - from the way you dig your claws into his palms again. "Are we married or not?"

"Hold your musclebeasts, Vantas, I'm getting there." Clearing his throat loudly, for the benefit of your audience, he addresses you in his role as officiant again. "So, by the powers invested in me by Sburb and the internet, I pronounce you troll and kismesis. I don't know who's which, fight amongst yourself-"

"Gladly," you and future you say as one, both grinning.

He's visibly smiling now, at least to your well-honed glance bulbs. "We're all in agreement then. Like it or not, you're hatemarried now." Raising his voice, he proclaims to what you're sure is the whole city, "You may now kiss the troll."

**Author's Note:**

> Title officially from What Is This Feeling from Wicked probably, but I have listened to [the Broadway Karkat version](https://soundcloud.com/kimberley-mae-ryalls/tindeckcom-actorsallusion-and-cantabilegato-loathing) far too much so that's what I was thinking of. XD
> 
> So glad I got this done on time too. By which I mean by midnight my time on April 13. Was at a con all day haha (sadly not repping Homestuck myself), had to sneak a chance to write in the middle of _that_ XD But I made it and that's what matters.


End file.
